Thursday, June 4, 2009

Memories : A Deep Longing

Last night I went to the hospital, to see one of my friend’s fathers. As I saw how uncle was laying on his bed with my friend stroking his feet, I remembered my father and how I used to visit him at hospital. Suddenly memories of those last days I spent with my father came flooding in. That moment I realized how much I missed him. His memory has never left me. That moment I understood, once again, how much my father means to me.

I remembered how I would sit by his bed side in the hospital talking with him, meddling with the cup and plate that was by his side and looking in amazement at the equipment that was around him. “I will be fine. I will come home soon” were his words to me. He did come home, which brought a smile on his face and my heart. But 3 days later he was back in the hospital and a few hours later he was no more. The most precious thing in this world to me, faded away.
I lost my best friend that day. I lost my closest and dearest companion. Though we had hard times between us and things didn’t always go well he was everything to me.

Today is my birthday. And this is my last maiden birthday. And my father isn’t there to share it with me. Birthdays were always exciting times for me. My father would be always around to make me laugh and keep me happy. When I was younger and my little school friends came along, he would entertain them. My family always looked to him for jokes and humor which he supplied without batting an eyelid.
I have had many questions about the family in which God placed me. But my father always provided me with answers to that question. Next year as I walk down the isle my father will not be with me. This thought always pierces my heart. There will not be a father daughter time anymore.

Many times after his death I wished I was the one who died and not him. Life without my rock has been hard. It is hard to express what is in my heart right now. There is joy, yet there is also sadness. Yet my Heavenly Father has drawn me closer to Him and has been my comfort right through and now. And I know that though I have lost my earthly father, I will never loose Jesus. My fathers memories will always be with me and the place he has in my heart will never be replaced by anyone else. Though my heart longs to have him beside him and walk arm in arm with him that privilege ended more than 3 years ago. Yet that has not dismissed the longing that has been chiseled in the depths of my heart; to walk hand in hand with my father again.


Anonymous said...

so touching ru...

Anonymous said...

sometimes our memories are wonderful things. even though in our tangible worlds, it is no more, in our hearts, it becomes immortal... eternal.