Friday, June 12, 2009

I thought that I should take some time out and share a little about my walk with God. My testimony is not one where I have seen visions, or where God has shown Himself to me. It is not one of mind blowing miracles. Yet it is my testimony. It is my way of saying thank you to a Lord who never fails to amaze me. When you read through you would understand why.

I am not sure about my beginnings. I don’t know where I was born or where my blood relations are. I don’t know who by birth parents are either. I was in a home where they put little ones who had no parents / parents didn’t want them any more. This home was a place where weak and sick little children were nursed back to health. From what I know, I was the favorite out of all my other little companions! Around this time when I was one year old, or a little bit before that, I came to live with my parents. Ammi and Thaththi were my world. I was theirs. I had everything I wanted, from food to toys to friends as I grew up in my new home. Yet i was not told the truth about the adoption till my teenage years.

When it did come out, I felt betrayed. Moreover I wondered what made my ‘real’ parents gave me up. I was shown pictures of me at the children’s home where I was playing with a few others, each of whom looked weak and in need of help. I, for some reason was nice and chubby, didn’t look sickly at all! I has a head of thick curls and was wearing a rather short, but adorable little frock. Though these little details are nice to look back at now, at that moment I felt quite the opposite. I wondered whether the story was true and whether this was really me. I confided in a friend of my from school a few days after I heard this and I was laughed at. I didn’t feel any better about it. From that moment on for a long time this was my secret. I used to wonder where my real beginnings were and if I had siblings and so many other thoughts.

As I grew with this secret in my heart, things were not easy at home. My father used to drink and smoke which caused a lot of drift in the family (but in my heart, my father was everything to you will see, as you read on). There were constant arguments, but there was never a raised hand. Family gatherings were a bit uncomfortable, because I knew how the day would end. There were many times that I wanted to run away. I had drawn up all the plans on where I should go, how I should live and how I should start earning to help my self. One memory I have that is very clear in my mind is of my, before I knew the truth about my life, standing with my tri-cycle near the porch in our front garden, ready to run away. I was all set, but as I walked towards the gate, something stopped me and I turned back.

I loved going to school. I had many friends and fit in perfectly. I gave of my best in all I did, though I never did reach the standards which my mother created for me. For many reasons I knew that I could never match up to her requirements. My cousins would excel in their studies and I was not up to that standard, which I was reminded each time I brought my report card home. Yet I did well and got through my school life with a very good academic footing.

But school life was not always great. I will never regret my days in school. For those were the best. But towards the end things were not that rosy. This changed when I came to my A/L. for some reason I felt alone and neglected by my friends. I didn’t have a boy-friend like most of my friends. And I was not into clubbing and such activities as they were. I felt isolated most of the time. But think I know the reason now.

I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior during a worship time at Sunday school. I was in my senior year at Sunday School (around 16/17 years of age. As Ivor (a present church leader) led worship, God opened my heart. I saw for the 1st time what the cross meant. I saw Gods love for me that day. And my life has never been the same. I made a commitment to Jesus and have never looked back. From that day onwards I changed. I saw God’s love in everything. Each morning I knew He was there. Each night I knew he was by my side.

My commitment to God turned me away from things that were harmful. My friends were way ahead of “Life” and understood much more than I did about things, which they probably shouldn’t have known at that age. I did feel lonely many times when my friends would talk about their “other half’s” and the fun that they were having. But also deep inside I knew God had a plan for me, and I had to wait, PATENTLY!

I did get into 2 relationships. 1 lasted only 3 weeks and the other 3 months. Pathetic isn’t it. One thing I know for sure is that I gave it all for the 1st relationship and it broke my heart when I stopped. For those of you who are reading this, I’m sure your thinking ‘for just 3 weeks, it couldn’t have meant anything”. But it did, at that time. The next relationship, ok lets not call these ‘relationships’, was just crazy. I knew it was not at all what God wanted for me. So I stepped out of it. I stepped out it and back in to the arms of Jesus.

In 2004, in the month of September my world fell apart. I lost my best friend. He was sick for just around 3 months. He promised me that he would get better and come home. Few days afterwards he left me, forever. At his funeral our reverend told us of a conversation he had had with him. In this conversation, he had told reverend, “Don’t tell Ruwanthi (that’s me!) about my bad heart, don’t tell her how serious it is”. I am not a person who shows my emotions out to anyone. Yet as he said theses words, the tears that I was crying within me, crept out, for all to see. As we laid him to rest, we buried a part of me as well. That day we buried my best friend, my father. Today as I write this, is his birthday, he would have been 75 years old. I still miss him. And I know I always will.

After my father died, life was tough for me. My father was my comfort and the parent that I would always approach. I am not close with my mother, and this made life so hard. But God revealed Himself in a very special. Though my earthly father was no longer with me, God showed me that He would always with me, even to the ends of earth. God strengthened me, through His word, through praises, through friends and through his sweet still voice.

God gave me another gift during the past few years. He gave me, someone I can share with, someone who loves me unconditionally, someone, who like me longs to serve God, someone who understands me and somone that I can share everything with, even my secret. He is my love, my gift from above and my husband to be in 6 months time!!! My mother said that she would never give her blessing for this relationship. But right throughout, We knew we were in this for life and we love each other. With God on our side and through prayer we asked God to help us and help my mother understand how much he means to me. There have been many nights of tears and fights and many days where I didn’t want to go home. But I got through those days, purley through God’s grace. Then one night, out of no where my mother sat me down and we talked. She gave us her blessing and wanted to be apart of our lives. I was dumb founded. By this time, I had almost given up. I has stopped praying about it. But God came through. I cannot describe what it felt like. I only had the strength to say, “Thank you”.

Though it has taken more than 2 years for my family to accept this relationship, through prayer and faith we have now been officially accepted into the family! God has shown us that His plans are for our own good and that in His time indeed things will unfold.

Today I am who I am because of my Heavenly Father. I have all the riches I need in the form of His love, a life partner, a life where i can serve God with my life partner, and a content life. I know all things will be provided in time and I walk into life each day in faith. I have faltered and I know that I will do so in the future as well, yet I know that Jesus will never let go of my hand. He had brought me this far. He has placed me where I am and is working His plan out in my life. What more could I ask for!


Anonymous said...

Lamentations: 3:22-23:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.